LEAVING MY JOB AFTER 8 YEARS
Last week, I left the company I’ve been working at for the past 8 years. For a number of reasons I gave my notice way back in February, so this is something I’ve been thinking about and planning for awhile.
In the weeks leading up to leaving, I had mixed emotions. I’m not very good at goodbyes. Even when it’s completely my choice to leave and it’s what I want, I feel saying goodbye to people deep in my stomach; I’ve cried my way through airport security more times than I can count. My co-workers have been a part of my daily life for 8 years, they’ve been a support system, confidants and they’ve driven me crazy. I know that I’ll still keep in touch with a lot of them, but people get busy and I know it won’t be the same. I also thought it was going to feel strange not knowing what’s going on in the company anymore. I’ve been there for so long, I know my way around all the nooks and crannies, I know who to ask when I need something and I know what’s really being said in meetings.
But honestly, I’ve felt great since leaving. Sure it was sad saying goodbye to people, but other than that, I’m very excited to be finished. Despite the craziness going on in the world right now, it really just feels like the right time. I need to give myself a proper break. I’ve had a pretty full on few years and I don’t know if I’ve really had time to process it all yet and figure out what’s left of me now. Even when I’ve had a chance to shut off, it’s not been for very long and I’ve always known I have a bunch of stuff waiting for me when I get back. I think a lot of people expected me to stay for a bit once the global pandemic started, but honestly I’m tired. And not just physically. My soul is tired. It’s not that I want a change, I need it. I knew this before I left but now that I’m finished, it’s become even more glaringly obvious to me. It’s funny how you don’t notice how heavily things are weighing on you until the weight has been lifted.
I’ve set myself up so that I can take some time off after I leave. I had originally planned on doing some travelling and working at fringe festival in Edinburgh, but that isn’t going to happen now. Honestly, if I have to spend a couple of months just sun bathing in my parents garden before I’m able to do anything, then maybe that’s what I need to be doing and it’s a massive privilege that I’m able to do that. With leaving my job, I’m letting go of having-to do things and rushing through life. I’m going to take things slowly and as they come. That’s not to say that I don’t have goals and things I want to work on when I have the time, but it’ll be on own my terms and in a way I can truly enjoy them. I want to focus on self-development, and putting myself out there. I want to give myself the space and time to figure out what’s next. I want to work on building my self-confidence and the things I talking about in my last post.
Hopefully this also means I’ll have more time and content to post on this blog. For so many years, I’ve been trying to maintain some sort of consistency with posting but I’ve never been able to make it a sustainable practice. However, it’s something I want to do because I think it helps me develop my thoughts. So here’s to posting more, experiencing more, meeting more people and gaining more confidence!
