SELF-TRUST

I recently came across the term “self-trust” on Instagram and I was intrigued. After some googling, I got this definition from Psychology Today:

Self-trust is not trusting yourself to know all the answers, nor is it believing that you will always do the right things. It’s having the conviction that you will be kind and respectful to yourself regardless of the outcome of your efforts. The definition of self-trust is the firm reliance on the integrity of yourself.

There is a difference between a life that is grounded in self-trust and one that is not. When we look at examples of people who are self-trusting, we find that they have clarity and confidence in their choices. They are interdependent, which includes healthy dependency, not overly dependent or hyper-independent. They speak with authority that comes from a deep place within but are not arrogant. They are good observers and have cultivated the ability to learn from their experiences, both the successes and failures.

I have struggled with self-confidence for most of my life. I simply don’t have trust in my own abilities. I just feel like there are so many basic skills that everyone else seems to have that I lack, particularly practical skills. I don’t know anything about electrics, or plumbing, or DIY. I wasn’t sporty growing up and have never been particularly fit, so I’ve never had faith in my body. I also don’t have a lot of trust in my ability to make on the spot decisions, I have a bad memory and I often struggle to verbalise things.

I know logically I do have skills. I get great reviews in work and I got a first in my masters. I cook most of my own meals, I do my own laundry, I’ve travelled by myself a lot. These are all things that not everyone can say. But that’s a logical way of looking at things and this is an emotional feeling. It is a fundamental belief I have that I’m not good at things, that I’m not good enough, that I’m an imposter.

But that is something that I’m going to start working on. I look at people who are able to have confidence in their abilities with such admiration and I have always wished I was like that, never imagining for a second that that was an actual possibility, never realising that they were just limits I was putting on myself. They were beliefs I’d manufactured in my mind and decided were true. That’s not to say I’m immediately capable of everything now that I’ve decided that I can do them, but it means I have faith in my ability to figure it and learn new skills if needed. I think you get into the habit of seeing yourself a certain way, and if you do happen to think about changing that, you feel like it’s too late.

But it’s not. Sure it might take me a bit longer to figure certain things out, but we all have to start somewhere. The abilities I feel I am inherently missing are just skills I haven’t learnt yet. I just need to work on reframing my mindset. It’s not going be an easy journey, but it’s one that I believe I can do.