BABY LAMBS

I've been in a makerspace in North Wales since January, and in that time, I've learnt many things. I've learnt how 3D printing works, about cryptocurrency, what a CNC machine is, how to film with a DSLR camera and how to be more secure online.

But above all, by far the most important thing I have discovered while being here is... baby lambs.

Now obviously I knew lambs existed before coming here. I've seen them a few times and always ohh-ed and awhh-ed at how cute they were. But for some reason since being in North Wales, I have experienced such a deep and profound love of seeing the baby lambs in the fields, that I just didn't know existed inside me. As someone who has struggled with depression over the last 2 years, I find that even when I'm happy, there's still a heaviness in me, deep down, suppressed perhaps for a time, but in no way forgotten. Sometimes it's overwhelming, and sometimes it's just like a dull ache of sadness but it's always there, coating even my happiest moments with guilt; guilt for still feeling the sadness inside me when I should be enjoying the good times, guilt for not being able to escape the sadness when I have so much to be thankful for, guilt for not being better.

But when I see the lambs, for a brief moment, there's too much joy in my body for any sadness to exist. It involuntarily pumps through me, banishing any negative thoughts or emotions. They're so pure, so cute, as they boing around the place, head butt each other and chase after their mothers. For a few moments there's no depression, no guilt, no struggle. Just pure joy that these creatures exist and an appreciation for how nature works. I was quite content just watching them from a far; while I enjoyed getting a closer look at them at times, I never wanted to scare them or interact with them, maybe because I was vaguely aware it was bad to touch them (more on that later) or maybe because of some subconscious fear that I would infect their innocence with my humanness, or perhaps infect their joy with my sadness.

But then, two dear friends informed me of a cafe near the base of Snowdon that had two rescused lambs. They sent me photos of one being held and the other being bottle fed and told me I needed to get there right away. The adrenaline surged through me as I raced to find my friend who had a car and tried with everything in me not to be too pushy about going there straight away. I didn't fool her in any way but nonetheless, she agreed to take me. After that it's all a bit of a blur, though I do remember mumbling about my hair not being clean for the lambs, which I was very upset about. I was like a kid the night before Christmas, but I was also wholeheartedly afraid that it wouldn't be as good as I imagined, that the lambs wouldn't like me or wouldn't want to hang out with me. I needn't have worried.

When we got to the cafe, the owner was outside, and when we asked if this was the place with the lambs, he asked if we wanted to eat them or feed them. That was how we were introduced to Steffan.

Steffan owns Snowdon Cafe and is quite a character. He made us feel completely at home instantly, or rather, he allowed me to make myself at home as I climbed into the crate where the lambs were resting about 2 minutes after meeting him. After I had climbed out and we had settled outside with the lambs, he gave us some drinks and told us how the rescuing had come about: Barry's mum had a traumatic birth, there was a storm and his twin passed away, so she abandoned him. Brenda was handled by teenagers, who got their scent on her, so her mother rejected her. Steffan took them in and they now spend their days hanging out with Byron, a year old Labrador-Pointer mix, and the customers of the cafe. That first day, Steffan handed me Brenda and I sat there holding her for at least an hour. It was magical. She's a little angelic cloud of fluff and I love her with all my heart. Barry is a bit older and you can tell, he's a typical anti-social teenager and he doesn't like to be held, but he does go for walks with Byron.

The following weekend, my boyfriend and I walked the 4 hour round trip to go visit them again. This time, when I got there, Steffan told me the lambs were in the field and asked if I wanted to go down to the river with them and hang out. It was genuinely my wildest dream come true, I sat there in the sun beside a stream of crystal clear water flowing down from the tallest heights of Snowdon, cradling a baby lamb. Barry, of course, was being a little shit and kept running off. We were eventually joined by Byron and there I was, spending my afternoon in a field with a puppy and two lambs. Not surprisingly, we've gone back every weekend since. We've even made progress with Barry as we discovered he likes head-butting things so if you hold out a fist, he'll play with you, and although he tries to hide it, he does love a good ear scratch.

Yesterday, after I had gotten back from the cafe, a friend turned to me and said "it's mad that you're genuinely friends with a couple of local lambs". And I agree, it is mad. I don't know what I did to deserve those two little angels in my life, but I'm so grateful to them for the all the joy they've brought me.