INTUITION

Today’s post is a bit different for me. It is going to be about intuition and spirituality, so if that’s not your thing, that’s cool, but it’s something I want to share. I recently discovered the “By The Moon” quote book after Claire Marshall posted a picture of one of the pages on her instagram. I love a good quote so I looked up the book and decided to order it. I also noticed they had astrology workbooks so I downloaded the digital version of the current one and ordered physical copies of the next 2. 

I find astrology really interesting but there is a lot to learn and remember. I thought the workbooks sounded good because they give you information about what is currently happening in the universe and how to best channel it. I know it sounds a bit ridiculous and sometimes I am sceptical but to be honest, something about it all just continues to intrigue me. I’ve also recently started playing around with Tarot cards, and the deck I have explains it like this: 

Tarot is a language whose vocabulary is our universal experiences as humans, and if you learn to interpret it, it becomes a great tool that helps you develop your own narrative. What you read and interpret is a reflection of your own inner world. Exploring that is so important to self-development. 

I think that's the thing, even if you don't full believe in astrology or tarot cards or crystals, what you are drawn to, what you choose to take from these things, tells you so much about yourself. Even if there's absolutely nothing to it, does it matter? Even if it’s bullshit, it can help us explore and understand our feelings and emotions. In the last 6 months or so, I’ve really been focusing on personal growth but sometimes it can feel like a bit of a maze. I was hoping this astrology workbook would help me focus in a bit. 

One of the questions in the workbook was “what does your intuition feel like?”. This was such an interesting question to me. This might not make a lot of sense to people who don’t have a strong sense of intuition but I feel like my intuition is a huge part of who I am. I feel it so strongly. I’m not a fan of organised religion but my intuition makes me feel like I’m connected to something bigger. It’s something I’ve really wanted to work on developing but haven’t really know how to do it. A huge part is working on self-doubt, and being able to distinguish where my feelings are coming from. But other than that, I’ve been at a loss, despite the fact that it’s something I think about a lot. I liked this question before it made me think, what does it feel like? How do I attempt to put that into words? In the past, I’ve described it to people as “a sense of knowing without really knowing why”. And while that’s accurate, it doesn’t really do it justice. It seems over simplistic. And it was something that had come to me when trying to describe it to other people. This question made me focus on what it feels like to me. I started with just some keywords but it very quickly evolved, and just flowed out of me. I will share an edited version of what I wrote, I don’t know if it makes sense or if it seems cliché, but it’s what came out of me in that moment:

What does your intuition feel like? 

It feels physical yet impossible to hold, like a deep sparkling ocean in the depts of my stomach; all knowing and mysterious, but impossible to pin down. Sometimes the waves are hard to hear, sometimes the crashing is deafening and I can’t ignore the swaying. Sometimes the water is polluted by doubt and anxiety, but I am making attempt after attempt to stop using plastic stress. I am learning to let the water be and trust it is the right shade of blue, even when it seems too dark, too ancient, too terrifying. I stand in awe, confused yet comforted by the rocking. For me, everything seems to come back to the sea. Impossible to ignore, yet so much of it remains unexplored, an incomprehensible vastness that is vital to life and seems to know more than we can ever hope to grasp. That is what my intuition feels like.

I wanted to share this because I realised recently that this is not a side of myself that I share very often. I absolutely adore the people in my life but not many of them enjoy or believe in this kind of thing. They are very scientific, logical people. And it’s not that I think they would stop wanting to be my friends for being interested in astrology or crystals or the energy of the universe, but it’s not something I can connect with them about. It’s just not their thing, and that’s cool, but it means that I mostly explore it through the Internet, which can be very one sided. I read about these things and watch people talking about it, but I don't interact or connect. So this is my first attempt at putting this side of me out there.