Cope-plaining

I can hear myself complaining all the time; hear myself spew negativity. I can feel myself trying to mask the disdain in my voice when I talk about the US, and I remind myself constantly that I need to stop romanticizing Ireland in my mind. Some people are intrigued; intrigued by other countries, other ways of life. This is all they know. They want to hear about how different the US is. But I'm sure even that has it's limits.I make fun of myself for doing it.  I know it's annoying.  But it seems like people just accept the way things are here, that's why they don't complain. I realise that that's probably one of the main reasons I do it. If I don't complain, I accept it, then it becomes normal and Ireland starts to feel further and further away.  This becomes my home.  And it is, to a degree, my home for now.  But it's not who I am or where I'm from.  So I complain as a coping mechanism, to remind myself of Ireland and remind myself that I don't belong here. As a coping mechanism, it's self-destructive. It's not healthy but it's a double edged sword.  In one way, it reminds me that I'm not stuck here, that I don't belong. That this is just an experience and it won't last forever. But it also reminds me that I don't belong, that I'm not a part of this place, that I'm by myself. I only really have me. Sure, there are people around me to help if I need it, but they don't really understand where I'm coming from. They don't know how strange this place is for me. They don't know Ireland.